The Pains of Love
by Madame Pixie
Summary: version of the events that occur during Janes absence from Thornfield. I have used Rochester retelling of his time without Jane in order to get details of the fire, of some of his feelings and of the dreams he has of Jane, and the hope of her return.


**The Pains of Love**

**The following is my version of the events that occur during Jane's absence from Thornfield. I am aiming to get across Mr Rochester's feelings, not only for the absence of Jane, but also towards his wife and the deformities that he suffers from the fire. I have used Rochester retelling of his time without Jane in order to get details of the fire, of some of his feelings and of the dreams he has of Jane, and the hope of her return. **

He paces the room vigorously, it is the early hours of the morning and he is thinking, planning. He must convince her to stay with him, if she leaves, she takes his life with her, for she is his life. He has wronged her, he is aware of that fact, but he loves her, he needs her. He is convinced she loves him too, but it is her morals that are making her leave. Morals……what is their point, he has followed morals all his life and look at what he has in return, a mad wife and his love wanting to leave. She is risking her own happiness at leaving, and any way he would follow her, he could not stay away. First thing when she awoke he would go to her, bring his arguments forth again, hold her, kiss her, show her the love that they share, then she will relent…she has to relent.

He continues pacing, unaware of the silent footsteps that stop outside his bedroom door, the anguish on her face as she continues her journey, leaving behind her happiness, her comfort, her love. She has gone, diminishing the hope that he has built up, the life he has imagined for them together.

He searches for her, no one has herd of a Jane Eyre traveling alone, her plain appearance going unnoticed by all. She had no where to go, she had no money, nothing, she had wanted to leave him that much. If she had loved him she wouldn't have gone, she would have stayed, would have understood, would have wanted him.

He goes to the attic, to visit the demon, his gives Grace the night off, he needs to see his wife. The demon woman watches him, knows who he is, knows that he is the reason she is locked up here. He watches her too, wondering what is the cause of her lost mind, wondering how she came to be so helpless, fierce, and why he was chosen as her keeper. If not for her he would have Jane now, Jane would be his and they would be off together, sharing the happiness that belonged to them, the happiness he was owed.

The demon flies at him, he knew she would, and he wrestles her to the ground, she is strong and stubborn, while he tries to be gentle, he doesn't want to hurt her, yet he wishes he could kill her. She is the cause of his misery, she is the reason Jane would not have him, she was the reason he could not find happiness. Oh how he wanted her dead, to have no demon as his wife. He could kill her easily, he is more powerful, yet he is still gentle.

Her nails dig into his flesh like claws, he welcomes the pain, needs the physical pain to drown out his feelings. She tires quickly and he subdues her, she sleeps to rest, she will not trouble him again tonight, but just in case he stays, watching the demon in her rest, knowing that he could never hurt her.

He smells the burning smoke before he feels the heat, the noise of the fire is violent and immediately he is awake. He cannot see flames, but the heat is too strong for it to be a small fire. Out side his room the path is blocked to the up stairs by sudden bright flames, watching as the door to Adele's room goes up in flames he is thankful that she has already been sent off to school.

He runs to the back stairs, awakens the servants, helping them escape the unbeatable flames, he glances at the attic. He could leave her, it would not be his fault if she couldn't escape. He notices that the fire will not reach the attic for awhile anyway. Deciding to assist the servants in evacuating, he helps Mrs Fairfax, carrying the dear lady most the way. Everybody is gathering outside, many neighbors running to aid the occupants of Thornfield, they start to gather buckets, he demands they leave it, he was never very attached to the house.

Finally he must go to the attic; he should go, save the lost soul from a fate that would probably be better for her. A loud shrieking noise is heard from the roof, people scream and yell warnings to the soul, they are not aware that they are conversing with the demon. He reacts without thought, his human impulses push him, up the stairs, through the heat, to the roof.

On the roof he calls to her, promising her life, needing her to come with him, to safety, she knows better, she knows what she needs, and he is powerless as she jumps, her broken mind splitting into hundreds of pieces as it hits the ground below.

Distraught he thinks of following her, throwing himself to the ground, needing a release, if he had known what was to come, he probably would have. Instead he thinks of Jane, the love of his life, he knows he cannot end his life, she may yet come back to him.

He enters the danger zone in order to reach the safety of those awaiting him. He ploughs through the fiery building, heat and smoke surrounding him. He hears wood break and feels the movement of the building, then all around him there is pain, hot scolding pain…and then there is nothing.

The damage is almost unbearable, to lose a limb, become an invalid, a cripple. He has lost his strength, his whole being. Then there is his sight, the loss of his eye, and his eyesight. His life is worthless, he is worthless, oh how he yearns for that roof, the roof that ended the misery of his departed wife, the roof that could have ended his loneliness, and his suffering. His wife is dead, gone, he is a widow, yet now there is no hope for him. There is no one to love, Jane is gone, possibly dead herself, not that it matters now, who could love his deformed soul, he is no longer worthy of such a prize as Jane.

He dreams of Jane, almost every night, she comes to him, telling him of her love, begging for his forgiveness, he feels betrayed by her, but welcomes her back each time. He needs her, yet as he wakes each morning she is gone again, becoming just a shadow of a dream.

He fears her now dead, alone, unfound, and his anguish over her is brutal. He calls out to her "Jane, Jane, Jane!" hoping for a reply, knowing the impossibility of it. He is astounded when a reply comes, in her voice, her words, "I am coming: wait for me;"…"where are you?"

Hope fills him for merely a second, knowing that he will continue to dream of the one, the woman he loves best.

Unaware is he, of a woman's prayers, the woman who loves him best is seeking out to look for him, she can come back now, she herself is ready to seek him, to find him, to love him, she will bring with her, their life's happiness.


End file.
